dorkfysh's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- too tired to try Things have become so confusing and jumbled and strange. Last night I was with some of the best friends I have ever had, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Spent a lot of time on the porch swing drinking red wine and smoking....looking at the mist in the streetlights. I don't understand how everything can be so very very right and so very very wrong all at the same time. When I was little my mom would take me to the VFW 4th of July picnic in the park. They had this game where they would dump a huge pile of sawdust on to the ground and then dump a $100 worth of change into it and let the kids jump in and dig for the money. This game terrified me. My grandma would nudge me toward the writhing pile of limbs and I would grab small handfuls at the edges and try to avoid any contact with and stray body parts. I could never understand why they wanted us to fight for coins like that. Someone always got hurt and more than one kid ended up in tears...empty handed. Every so often some old guy would press a few quarters into the hands of the kids who were left on the edges, but that somehow made me feel worse. Yeah...that's exactly what it's like. 10:16 a.m. - January 25, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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