dorkfysh's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- exhausted rambling There are nine bajillion things to do today and my head hurts. I stayed up much too late and now I'm paying for it. I think I'm going to like these four day weeks. The job is paying me enough so that it all works out ok and doesn't 32 hours a week count as full time? It's all just sitting there in my corner typing numbers into little boxes. I get to pretend I'm creative by making a newsletter I don't fully understand. I can't help but worry that one day I will walk in and he will tell me I'm not needed anymore. There are no guarantees. Job security might as well be a unicorn. I worry all the time that the rug will be pulled out from under me and I'll have to start from scratch again. I just want to feel safe. Am I strong enough for all of this? The kid is a complicated creature and I don't think puberty is going to be pretty around these parts. She has this intense need to be different and stand out from the crowd and she doesn't understand when people don't accept her for who she is. She is the opposite of who I was as a kid and there are times I look at her and wonder what planet she came from. I was the kind of kid who watched everyone else while I sat silently in the corner with my nose in a book. The last thing I ever wanted was to be the center of attention. I did have the same attraction to adult conversation and wanted to know everything...as soon as possible, but I kept all my information to myself. I do remember that 10 was the age I started to feel like nobody knew who the hell I was and didn't really care. I hope my kid isn't feeling that way. OK...enough babbling incoherently. I must shower and get ready for the camping. 10:06 a.m. - May 23, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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