dorkfysh's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- flashback There was a party on Saturday and a late night water dousing and serenade by crazy anarchist clowns on freaky bikes brought some stuff up from the back of my brain. It seems that the kid’s father is still alive. For some reason I knew that I would eventually run into someone that knew him. I had seen this particular clown around town and the sight of him always poked at those memories that hide out in the base of my skull. It’s like a nest of hornets have exploded inside my head. I’m not sure how to proceed. Her father is several states away, in the middle of the country. It’s not like he will show up at our door in the morning and it’s not clear that he knows we are here…yet. The kid is wary, but curious. She saw some pictures of him and an article about the crazy bikes he builds. She wants to be angry at him and wants to let him know that he isn’t her dad because he has never been there, but it’s obvious that she finds the idea of him fascinating. If I don’t pursue this he might gain some kind of mysterious superhero status in her head. I have always been honest with her about him. I have never said that he was a horrible person or said that he didn’t deserve to know her. There is an understanding that some people are able to handle the responsibilities of being a parent and I let her know that he was probably not one of those people. I have also been sure to point out things about him that I see in her…the good things. She has also been informed that he’s pretty much crazy. There are still people that think of him and are enraged. The fact that he has never done anything parental at all really burns an image of evil into the minds of some. I finished being angry about it a long time ago. I know that it has been easier for me to do this alone that it would have been to try to raise a child with a person who lacks even the most basic common sense. I would like to thank him for making it possible for me to have this amazing child. I don’t hate him. I don’t understand him, but I don’t hate him. This is the beginning of something I wasn’t prepared for. edited to add a "not" for whoever"me" is 10:56 a.m. - July 24, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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