dorkfysh's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- random I woke up this morning wishing it was one of those summers from the past. The ones where I would wake up around 10:00 and shuffle to the kitchen for coffee and toast. I'd watch a few minutes of teevee and then go outside in my jammies and feel the cool grass on my toes. I would pet the dog and slip on my barn shoes and go out to water and feed the horses. Sometimes I would pull a few carrots from the garden to give to them as a snack. Sometimes I would go for a ride on the big black bay and sometimes I would ride my bike the five miles into town to wander around for the day. My mom would usually give me a ride back home so I didn't have to tackle the scary hill. I have been thinking of getting a bike, but I am still deathly afraid of riding around cars. I'm afraid I would panic in traffic and fall in front of a car. I'm even more afraid of the kid riding on the streets. I know it's irrational and it might be something weirdly subliminal, but my chest tightens up when I think about it. It would be fine if we rode bikes down empty country roads with nothing but green leaves and blue skies around us. It's the cars that scare me. I would like to not be so dependent on my car, but the fear is pretty strong. I feel awful that I don't have a bike and that I haven't had the tires fixed on the kid's bike. I feel awful about many many things these days.
I want to be someone else. 11:15 a.m. - July 30, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||